Witz des Tages
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- Beiträge: 51
- Registriert: 14.07.08 @ 18:40
Re: Witz des Tages
Ein Kamel in der Wüste....Was fehlt?
Der Witz.!
Der Witz.!
Re: Witz des Tages
D.A.G. hat geschrieben:hmmm das forum gibt es seit 2004 , der letzte titel war 2003 ! das kann kein zufall sein !!! bin für die sofortige schliessung dieses teufelswerkes ! nur dummschwätzer und tagediebe
- The Flying Dutchman
- Moderator
- Beiträge: 6074
- Registriert: 30.07.07 @ 16:20
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Re: Witz des Tages
Sarottimohr hat geschrieben:LOBET UND PREISET DEN TFD!!!!!!
Re: Witz des Tages
go fuck yourself u fat fuck! send by Scott Sutter
versteht jemand diesen witz der mir dieser berner über gesicht buch geschrieben hat?
versteht jemand diesen witz der mir dieser berner über gesicht buch geschrieben hat?
BIERTRAS ZÜRI DAS SIND MIR!!! SINGET LUUT UND SUFFET BIER!!!
- Betonmischer
- Beiträge: 1016
- Registriert: 21.05.08 @ 17:56
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Re: Witz des Tages
yb-niveau, weisch...LD_zu_SD hat geschrieben:go fuck yourself u fat fuck! send by Scott Sutter
versteht jemand diesen witz der mir dieser berner über gesicht buch geschrieben hat?
Angst und Gäld hämmer kei
- Legionär Dumenus
- Beiträge: 3986
- Registriert: 15.06.07 @ 17:58
- Wohnort: Züri-Unterstrass
Re: Witz des Tages
Der Absender ist der Witz.LD_zu_SD hat geschrieben:go fuck yourself u fat fuck! send by Scott Sutter
versteht jemand diesen witz der mir dieser berner über gesicht buch geschrieben hat?
Good evening! I kill you!
Re: Witz des Tages
NR. 12 - Best ever!!
> A DC airport ticket agent offers some examples of 'why' our country is in
> trouble!
> 1. I had a New Hampshire Congresswoman (Carol Shea-Porter) ask for an aisle
> seat so that her hair wouldn't get messed up by being near the window. (On an
> airplane!)
>
> 2. I got a call from a Kansas Congressman's (Moore) staffer (Howard
> Bauleke), who wanted to go to Capetown. I started to explain the length of the
> flight and the passport information, and then he interrupted me with, ''I'm
> not trying to make you look stupid, but Capetown is in Massachusetts .''
> Without trying to make him look stupid, I calmly explained, ''Cape Cod is in
> Massachusetts , Capetown is in Africa ''
> his response -- click.
>
> 3. A senior Vermont Congressman (Bernie Sanders) called, furious about a
> Florida package we did. I asked what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando .
> He said he was expecting an ocean-view room. I tried t o explain that's not
> possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state.
> He replied, 'don't lie to me, I looked on the map and Florida is a very thin
> state!'' (OMG)
>
> 4. I got a call from a lawmaker's wife (Landra Reid) who asked, ''Is it
> possible to see England from Canada ?''
> I said, ''No.''
> She said, ''But they look so close on the map.'' (OMG, again!)
>
> 5. An aide for a cabinet member (Janet Napolitano) once called and asked if
> he could rent a car in Dallas . I pulled up the reservation and noticed he had
> only a 1-hour layover in Dallas . When I asked him why he wanted to rent a
> car, he said, ''I heard Dallas was a big airport, and we will need a car to
> drive between gates to save time.'' (Aghhhh)
>
> 6. An Illinois Congresswoman (Jan Schakowsky) called last week. She needed
> to know how it was possible that her flight from Detroit left at 8:30 a.m.,
> and got to Chicago at 8:33 a.m.
> I explained that Michigan was an hour ahead of Illinois , but she couldn't
> understand the concept of time zones. Finally, I told her the plane went fast,
> and she bought that.
>
> 7. A New York lawmaker, (Jerrold Nadler) called and asked, ''Do airlines put
> your physical description on your bag so they know whose luggage belongs to
> whom?'' I said, 'No, why do you ask?' he replied, ''Well, when I checked in wi th the airline they put a tag on my
> luggage that said (FAT), and I'm overweight. I think that's very rude!''
> After putting him on hold for a minute, while I looked into it. (I was dying
> laughing). I came back and explained the city code for Fresno , Ca. is (FAT -
> Fresno Air Terminal), and the airline was just putting a destination tag on
> his luggage.
>
> 8. A Senator John Kerry aide (Lindsay Ross) called to inquire about a trip
> package to Hawaii . After going over all the cost info, she asked, ''Would it
> be cheaper to fly to California and then take the train to Hawaii ?''
>
> 9. I just got off the phone with a freshman Congressman, Bobby Bright (D) from
> Alaska who asked, ''How do I know which plane to get on?''
> I asked him what exactly he meant, to which he replied, ''I was told my flight
> number is 823, but none of these planes have numbers on them.''
>
> 10. Senator Dianne Feinstein (D) called and said, ''I need to fly to
> Pepsi-Cola , Florida . Do I have to get on one of those little computer
> planes?''
> I asked if she meant fly to Pensacola , FL on a commuter plane.
> She said, ''Yeah, whatever, smarty!''
>
> 11. Mary Landrieu (D)20La. Senator called and had a question about the
> documents she needed in order to fly to China . After a lengthy discussion
> about passports, I reminded her that she needed a visa. 'Oh, no I don't. I've
> been to China many times and never had to have one of those.''
> I double checked and sure enough, her stay required a visa. When I told her
> this she said, ''Look, I've been to China four times and every time they have
> accepted my American Express!''
>
>12. A New Jersey Congressman (John Adler) called to make reservations, ''I
> want to go from Chicago to Rhino, New York ..''
> I was at a loss for words. Finally, I said, ''Are you sure that's the name of
> the town?''
> 'Yes, what flights do you have?'' replied the man.
> After some searching, I came back with, ''I'm sorry, sir, I've looked up every
> airport code in the country and can't find a rhino anywhere."
> ''The man retorted, ''Oh, don't be silly! Everyone knows where it is. Check
> your map!''
> So I scoured a map of the state of New York and finally offered, ''You don't
> mean Buffalo , do you?''
> The reply? ''Whatever! I knew it was a big animal.''
>
> Now you know why the Government is in the shape that it's in!
>
> Could anyone be this DUMB?
>
> YES, THEY WALK AMONG US, ARE IN POLITICS, AND THEY CONTINUE TO BREED.
> A DC airport ticket agent offers some examples of 'why' our country is in
> trouble!
> 1. I had a New Hampshire Congresswoman (Carol Shea-Porter) ask for an aisle
> seat so that her hair wouldn't get messed up by being near the window. (On an
> airplane!)
>
> 2. I got a call from a Kansas Congressman's (Moore) staffer (Howard
> Bauleke), who wanted to go to Capetown. I started to explain the length of the
> flight and the passport information, and then he interrupted me with, ''I'm
> not trying to make you look stupid, but Capetown is in Massachusetts .''
> Without trying to make him look stupid, I calmly explained, ''Cape Cod is in
> Massachusetts , Capetown is in Africa ''
> his response -- click.
>
> 3. A senior Vermont Congressman (Bernie Sanders) called, furious about a
> Florida package we did. I asked what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando .
> He said he was expecting an ocean-view room. I tried t o explain that's not
> possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state.
> He replied, 'don't lie to me, I looked on the map and Florida is a very thin
> state!'' (OMG)
>
> 4. I got a call from a lawmaker's wife (Landra Reid) who asked, ''Is it
> possible to see England from Canada ?''
> I said, ''No.''
> She said, ''But they look so close on the map.'' (OMG, again!)
>
> 5. An aide for a cabinet member (Janet Napolitano) once called and asked if
> he could rent a car in Dallas . I pulled up the reservation and noticed he had
> only a 1-hour layover in Dallas . When I asked him why he wanted to rent a
> car, he said, ''I heard Dallas was a big airport, and we will need a car to
> drive between gates to save time.'' (Aghhhh)
>
> 6. An Illinois Congresswoman (Jan Schakowsky) called last week. She needed
> to know how it was possible that her flight from Detroit left at 8:30 a.m.,
> and got to Chicago at 8:33 a.m.
> I explained that Michigan was an hour ahead of Illinois , but she couldn't
> understand the concept of time zones. Finally, I told her the plane went fast,
> and she bought that.
>
> 7. A New York lawmaker, (Jerrold Nadler) called and asked, ''Do airlines put
> your physical description on your bag so they know whose luggage belongs to
> whom?'' I said, 'No, why do you ask?' he replied, ''Well, when I checked in wi th the airline they put a tag on my
> luggage that said (FAT), and I'm overweight. I think that's very rude!''
> After putting him on hold for a minute, while I looked into it. (I was dying
> laughing). I came back and explained the city code for Fresno , Ca. is (FAT -
> Fresno Air Terminal), and the airline was just putting a destination tag on
> his luggage.
>
> 8. A Senator John Kerry aide (Lindsay Ross) called to inquire about a trip
> package to Hawaii . After going over all the cost info, she asked, ''Would it
> be cheaper to fly to California and then take the train to Hawaii ?''
>
> 9. I just got off the phone with a freshman Congressman, Bobby Bright (D) from
> Alaska who asked, ''How do I know which plane to get on?''
> I asked him what exactly he meant, to which he replied, ''I was told my flight
> number is 823, but none of these planes have numbers on them.''
>
> 10. Senator Dianne Feinstein (D) called and said, ''I need to fly to
> Pepsi-Cola , Florida . Do I have to get on one of those little computer
> planes?''
> I asked if she meant fly to Pensacola , FL on a commuter plane.
> She said, ''Yeah, whatever, smarty!''
>
> 11. Mary Landrieu (D)20La. Senator called and had a question about the
> documents she needed in order to fly to China . After a lengthy discussion
> about passports, I reminded her that she needed a visa. 'Oh, no I don't. I've
> been to China many times and never had to have one of those.''
> I double checked and sure enough, her stay required a visa. When I told her
> this she said, ''Look, I've been to China four times and every time they have
> accepted my American Express!''
>
>12. A New Jersey Congressman (John Adler) called to make reservations, ''I
> want to go from Chicago to Rhino, New York ..''
> I was at a loss for words. Finally, I said, ''Are you sure that's the name of
> the town?''
> 'Yes, what flights do you have?'' replied the man.
> After some searching, I came back with, ''I'm sorry, sir, I've looked up every
> airport code in the country and can't find a rhino anywhere."
> ''The man retorted, ''Oh, don't be silly! Everyone knows where it is. Check
> your map!''
> So I scoured a map of the state of New York and finally offered, ''You don't
> mean Buffalo , do you?''
> The reply? ''Whatever! I knew it was a big animal.''
>
> Now you know why the Government is in the shape that it's in!
>
> Could anyone be this DUMB?
>
> YES, THEY WALK AMONG US, ARE IN POLITICS, AND THEY CONTINUE TO BREED.
Football; some say is a matter of life or death, but it is much more than that.
Re: Witz des Tages
Brief Mutter an Sohn
Lieber Sohn,
ich schreibe Dir, damit Du weißt, dass ich noch lebe.
Ich schreibe langsam, weil ich weiß, dass Du nicht schnell lesen kannst.
Wenn Du wieder einmal nach Hause kommst, wirst Du unsere Wohnung
nicht mehr erkennen. Wir sind nämlich umgezogen.
Sogar eine Waschmaschine war schon in der Wohnung.
Ich habe ein Dutzend Hemden hineingegeben und zog an der Kette,
die Hemden habe ich allerdings nicht mehr wiedergesehen.
Dein Vater hat die Stelle gewechselt.
Er hat jetzt 500 Leute unter sich. Er mäht den Friedhofsrasen.
Letzte Woche ist Onkel Otto in einem Whiskey-Fass ertrunken.
Einige Männer haben versucht, ihm zu helfen. Er leistete heftigen Widerstand.
Wir haben ihn verbrennen lassen. Es hat 3 Tage gedauert, bis wir ihn gelöscht hatten.
Onkel Karl hat sich den Penis abgeschnitten. Beim Kauf eines Rasiermessers stand in der Gebrauchanweisung: "Wenn
stumpf, dann am Riemen abziehen."
Beim Geschlechtsverkehr ist Onkel Peter erstickt. Auf der Schachtel stand: "Präservativ stramm über den Kopf ziehen."
Deine Schwester Marie hat gestern ein Baby bekommen.
Da wir nicht wissen, ob es ein Junge oder ein Mädchen ist,
kann ich Dir nicht schreiben, ob Du jetzt Onkel oder Tante geworden bist.
Letzte Woche hat es nur siebenmal geregnet, zuerst drei Tage und dann vier.
Es hat so gedonnert, dass unser Huhn viermal dasselbe Ei gelegt hat.
Ich schicke Dir auch noch die Weste, die Du sicher vermissen wirst.
Die Knöpfe habe ich abgetrennt, um das Gewicht und das Porto zu
vermindern. Sie stecken in der oberen Tasche rechts.
Am Dienstag sind wir alle gegen Erdbeben geimpft worden.
In Liebe: Deine Mutter
PS: Ich wollte Dir noch Geld mitschicken, aber ich hatte den Brief schon zugeklebt.
Lieber Sohn,
ich schreibe Dir, damit Du weißt, dass ich noch lebe.
Ich schreibe langsam, weil ich weiß, dass Du nicht schnell lesen kannst.
Wenn Du wieder einmal nach Hause kommst, wirst Du unsere Wohnung
nicht mehr erkennen. Wir sind nämlich umgezogen.
Sogar eine Waschmaschine war schon in der Wohnung.
Ich habe ein Dutzend Hemden hineingegeben und zog an der Kette,
die Hemden habe ich allerdings nicht mehr wiedergesehen.
Dein Vater hat die Stelle gewechselt.
Er hat jetzt 500 Leute unter sich. Er mäht den Friedhofsrasen.
Letzte Woche ist Onkel Otto in einem Whiskey-Fass ertrunken.
Einige Männer haben versucht, ihm zu helfen. Er leistete heftigen Widerstand.
Wir haben ihn verbrennen lassen. Es hat 3 Tage gedauert, bis wir ihn gelöscht hatten.
Onkel Karl hat sich den Penis abgeschnitten. Beim Kauf eines Rasiermessers stand in der Gebrauchanweisung: "Wenn
stumpf, dann am Riemen abziehen."
Beim Geschlechtsverkehr ist Onkel Peter erstickt. Auf der Schachtel stand: "Präservativ stramm über den Kopf ziehen."
Deine Schwester Marie hat gestern ein Baby bekommen.
Da wir nicht wissen, ob es ein Junge oder ein Mädchen ist,
kann ich Dir nicht schreiben, ob Du jetzt Onkel oder Tante geworden bist.
Letzte Woche hat es nur siebenmal geregnet, zuerst drei Tage und dann vier.
Es hat so gedonnert, dass unser Huhn viermal dasselbe Ei gelegt hat.
Ich schicke Dir auch noch die Weste, die Du sicher vermissen wirst.
Die Knöpfe habe ich abgetrennt, um das Gewicht und das Porto zu
vermindern. Sie stecken in der oberen Tasche rechts.
Am Dienstag sind wir alle gegen Erdbeben geimpft worden.
In Liebe: Deine Mutter
PS: Ich wollte Dir noch Geld mitschicken, aber ich hatte den Brief schon zugeklebt.
BIERTRAS ZÜRI DAS SIND MIR!!! SINGET LUUT UND SUFFET BIER!!!
Re: Witz des Tages
Ein junger Medizinstudent macht mit einem Arzt seinen ersten Rundgang durchein Krankenhaus.Als sie an einem Zimmer vorbeigehen,sieht er wie ein Mann ununterbrochenmasturbiert. "Was ist denn mit DEM los ?", fragt der Student. "Tja, seinProblem ist, dass seine Eier viel zu viele Spermen produzieren. Wenn eraufhört zu wichsen, explodieren sie." Wow!, denkt sich der Student. Ein bisschen weiter den Gang hinunter schaut er in ein Zimmer undsieht, wie eine Krankenschwester mit einem Patienten auf dem Bettliegt und ihm einen bläst. "Was hat denn DER?", fragt der Student.Der Arzt antwortet: "Gleiches Problem, aber der ist privat versichert!!!"
- GCZ 1886 -